Guard Dog
Ink-and-marker illustration of Albert, a bright green eclectus parrot with a large orange beak, head tilted to one side.

Honorary guard dog

Albert

Director of Doorbell Impressions

Can reproduce the doorbell, the microwave, and the smoke alarm. Does so at 6am.

  • Eclectus
  • Excellent mimic
  • Loud opinions

The file on Albert

Albert holds the household record for false alarms, having learned the doorbell well enough to summon every dog on the property at will.

The honorary commission was awarded for sustained vocal contribution to home security, and for being the only member of the crew who can announce an intruder in English.

Off the clock he is the most relaxed operator in the building: generous with kisses, and liable to interrupt a shift to ask, "what are you doin'?"

Species
Eclectus parrot
Age
3 years old
Post
Top of the cage, facing the door
Specialty
Doorbell impressions
Ink-and-marker illustration of Albert crouched low with his head down, showing the teal flashes on his wing.
The inspection crouch

The rest of the crew

Ink-and-marker illustration of Nina, a black-and-tan French Bulldog, in close-up with a stern expression and her bottom teeth showing.

Chief Scary Face Officer

Nina

The original Guard Dog muse. Sweet as can be, unless you are an uninvited login attempt.

  • Frenchie
  • Door watcher
  • Tiny boss
Ink-and-marker illustration of Winston, a black-and-white Great Dane, in close-up with his long tongue hanging out.

Senior Boop Inspector

Winston

A towering security presence with a deeply unserious tongue deployment policy.

  • Great Dane
  • Big feelings
  • Bigger nose
Ink-and-marker illustration of Laika, a black-and-white husky, lying upside down on his back with his paws in the air and a blue collar.

Perimeter Snow Scanner

Laika

Always alert, always gorgeous, and legally required to sing the incident report.

  • Husky
  • Blue eyes
  • Drama ready
Ink-and-marker illustration of Henry, a small scruffy cream dog, lying down with shaggy fur falling over his eyes.

Tiny Blanket Operations

Henry

A compact watchdog with major couch jurisdiction and no plans to surrender the blanket.

  • Scruffy
  • Pocket size
  • Cozy unit
Ink-and-marker illustration of Penelope, a fawn French Bulldog, seen from above with her head lowered toward the camera.

Couch Access Control

Penelope

Keeps the seating chart secure and maintains strict standards for snack distribution.

  • Frenchie
  • Fawn coat
  • Side-eye pro
Ink-and-marker illustration of Calliope, a cream French Bulldog, lying down and looking at the camera.

Morale And Wiggle Lead

Calliope

Turns suspicious vibes into tail wags. Extremely qualified in tiny chaos management.

  • Frenchie
  • Happy patrol
  • Zoomie certified
Ink-and-marker illustration of Sofia, a pale cream French Bulldog, seen from above walking toward the camera with her mouth open.

Treat Desk Auditor

Sofia

Knows exactly where the good snacks are stored and will be opening an investigation.

  • Frenchie
  • Tall ears
  • Audit face
Ink-and-marker illustration of Stella, a dark brindle French Bulldog with white markings, seen from above looking up at the camera.

Floor Tile Surveillance

Stella

Small, serious, and fully prepared to file a report about whatever just happened.

  • Frenchie
  • Brindle
  • Lookout mode
Ink-and-marker illustration of Francine, a green severe macaw with a striped pale face and a dark hooked beak held open.

Beak Compliance Officer

Francine

Inspects every object in the house for structural weakness. Finds it. Reports it. Removes it.

  • Severe macaw
  • Serious beak
  • Red shoulders
Ink-and-marker illustration of Aggie, a green-cheek conure with a cream head, orange and yellow chest, and green wings.

Shoulder Patrol, Night Shift

Aggie

Full name Agador Spartacus. Rides shoulders, guards pockets, weighs almost nothing.

  • Green-cheek conure
  • Pocket size
  • Pure chaos
Ink-and-marker illustration of Val, a pale blue quaker parrot with a grey scalloped chest and an orange beak, standing in profile.

Head of Nest Infrastructure

Val

Building something in the corner of the cage. Nobody knows what. Nobody is allowed to ask.

  • Quaker parrot
  • Blue mutation
  • Nonstop chatter

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