Guard Dog
Ink-and-marker illustration of Penelope, a fawn French Bulldog, seen from above with her head lowered toward the camera.

Guard dog

Penelope

Couch Access Control

Keeps the seating chart secure and maintains strict standards for snack distribution.

  • Frenchie
  • Fawn coat
  • Side-eye pro

The file on Penelope

Penelope decides who sits where. This is not a preference she has developed over time, it is a policy she arrived with.

Requests to share the good cushion are reviewed on a case-by-case basis and denied on a case-by-case basis.

Enforcement is undercut somewhat by the big cartoon eyes. She is the most solidly built member of the crew and one of the sweetest, and the policy collapses the moment anyone actually sits down.

Breed
French Bulldog
Age
4 years old
Post
The good cushion
Specialty
Sustained side-eye
Ink-and-marker illustration of Penelope lying down with a distinctly unimpressed expression.
Reviewing the seating chart
Ink-and-marker illustration of Penelope sitting upright and facing the camera.
Formal posture

The rest of the crew

Ink-and-marker illustration of Nina, a black-and-tan French Bulldog, in close-up with a stern expression and her bottom teeth showing.

Chief Scary Face Officer

Nina

The original Guard Dog muse. Sweet as can be, unless you are an uninvited login attempt.

  • Frenchie
  • Door watcher
  • Tiny boss
Ink-and-marker illustration of Winston, a black-and-white Great Dane, in close-up with his long tongue hanging out.

Senior Boop Inspector

Winston

A towering security presence with a deeply unserious tongue deployment policy.

  • Great Dane
  • Big feelings
  • Bigger nose
Ink-and-marker illustration of Laika, a black-and-white husky, lying upside down on his back with his paws in the air and a blue collar.

Perimeter Snow Scanner

Laika

Always alert, always gorgeous, and legally required to sing the incident report.

  • Husky
  • Blue eyes
  • Drama ready
Ink-and-marker illustration of Henry, a small scruffy cream dog, lying down with shaggy fur falling over his eyes.

Tiny Blanket Operations

Henry

A compact watchdog with major couch jurisdiction and no plans to surrender the blanket.

  • Scruffy
  • Pocket size
  • Cozy unit
Ink-and-marker illustration of Calliope, a cream French Bulldog, lying down and looking at the camera.

Morale And Wiggle Lead

Calliope

Turns suspicious vibes into tail wags. Extremely qualified in tiny chaos management.

  • Frenchie
  • Happy patrol
  • Zoomie certified
Ink-and-marker illustration of Sofia, a pale cream French Bulldog, seen from above walking toward the camera with her mouth open.

Treat Desk Auditor

Sofia

Knows exactly where the good snacks are stored and will be opening an investigation.

  • Frenchie
  • Tall ears
  • Audit face
Ink-and-marker illustration of Stella, a dark brindle French Bulldog with white markings, seen from above looking up at the camera.

Floor Tile Surveillance

Stella

Small, serious, and fully prepared to file a report about whatever just happened.

  • Frenchie
  • Brindle
  • Lookout mode
Ink-and-marker illustration of Albert, a bright green eclectus parrot with a large orange beak, head tilted to one side.

Director of Doorbell Impressions

Albert

Can reproduce the doorbell, the microwave, and the smoke alarm. Does so at 6am.

  • Eclectus
  • Excellent mimic
  • Loud opinions
Ink-and-marker illustration of Francine, a green severe macaw with a striped pale face and a dark hooked beak held open.

Beak Compliance Officer

Francine

Inspects every object in the house for structural weakness. Finds it. Reports it. Removes it.

  • Severe macaw
  • Serious beak
  • Red shoulders
Ink-and-marker illustration of Aggie, a green-cheek conure with a cream head, orange and yellow chest, and green wings.

Shoulder Patrol, Night Shift

Aggie

Full name Agador Spartacus. Rides shoulders, guards pockets, weighs almost nothing.

  • Green-cheek conure
  • Pocket size
  • Pure chaos
Ink-and-marker illustration of Val, a pale blue quaker parrot with a grey scalloped chest and an orange beak, standing in profile.

Head of Nest Infrastructure

Val

Building something in the corner of the cage. Nobody knows what. Nobody is allowed to ask.

  • Quaker parrot
  • Blue mutation
  • Nonstop chatter

Back to all guard dogs