Guard Dog
Ink-and-marker illustration of Val, a pale blue quaker parrot with a grey scalloped chest and an orange beak, standing in profile.

Honorary guard dog

Val

Head of Nest Infrastructure

Building something in the corner of the cage. Nobody knows what. Nobody is allowed to ask.

  • Quaker parrot
  • Blue mutation
  • Nonstop chatter

The file on Val

Val runs an ongoing construction project that has never been finished, inspected, or explained to management.

Quakers are the only parrots that build their own nests, which Val treats as both a species trait and a personal mandate.

She is loud, she is obnoxious, and she will tell you directly when you are talking too loudly in her presence. The irony is not something she takes feedback on.

The second Birdcage namesake on the crew, after Aggie. Val takes hers from Val Goldman, and has departed from the source material in at least one respect.

Species
Quaker parrot (blue)
Age
5 years old
Post
The corner construction site
Specialty
Unlicensed carpentry
Ink-and-marker illustration of Val fluffed up and viewed from above, looking straight at the camera.
Site supervision

The rest of the crew

Ink-and-marker illustration of Nina, a black-and-tan French Bulldog, in close-up with a stern expression and her bottom teeth showing.

Chief Scary Face Officer

Nina

The original Guard Dog muse. Sweet as can be, unless you are an uninvited login attempt.

  • Frenchie
  • Door watcher
  • Tiny boss
Ink-and-marker illustration of Winston, a black-and-white Great Dane, in close-up with his long tongue hanging out.

Senior Boop Inspector

Winston

A towering security presence with a deeply unserious tongue deployment policy.

  • Great Dane
  • Big feelings
  • Bigger nose
Ink-and-marker illustration of Laika, a black-and-white husky, lying upside down on his back with his paws in the air and a blue collar.

Perimeter Snow Scanner

Laika

Always alert, always gorgeous, and legally required to sing the incident report.

  • Husky
  • Blue eyes
  • Drama ready
Ink-and-marker illustration of Henry, a small scruffy cream dog, lying down with shaggy fur falling over his eyes.

Tiny Blanket Operations

Henry

A compact watchdog with major couch jurisdiction and no plans to surrender the blanket.

  • Scruffy
  • Pocket size
  • Cozy unit
Ink-and-marker illustration of Penelope, a fawn French Bulldog, seen from above with her head lowered toward the camera.

Couch Access Control

Penelope

Keeps the seating chart secure and maintains strict standards for snack distribution.

  • Frenchie
  • Fawn coat
  • Side-eye pro
Ink-and-marker illustration of Calliope, a cream French Bulldog, lying down and looking at the camera.

Morale And Wiggle Lead

Calliope

Turns suspicious vibes into tail wags. Extremely qualified in tiny chaos management.

  • Frenchie
  • Happy patrol
  • Zoomie certified
Ink-and-marker illustration of Sofia, a pale cream French Bulldog, seen from above walking toward the camera with her mouth open.

Treat Desk Auditor

Sofia

Knows exactly where the good snacks are stored and will be opening an investigation.

  • Frenchie
  • Tall ears
  • Audit face
Ink-and-marker illustration of Stella, a dark brindle French Bulldog with white markings, seen from above looking up at the camera.

Floor Tile Surveillance

Stella

Small, serious, and fully prepared to file a report about whatever just happened.

  • Frenchie
  • Brindle
  • Lookout mode
Ink-and-marker illustration of Albert, a bright green eclectus parrot with a large orange beak, head tilted to one side.

Director of Doorbell Impressions

Albert

Can reproduce the doorbell, the microwave, and the smoke alarm. Does so at 6am.

  • Eclectus
  • Excellent mimic
  • Loud opinions
Ink-and-marker illustration of Francine, a green severe macaw with a striped pale face and a dark hooked beak held open.

Beak Compliance Officer

Francine

Inspects every object in the house for structural weakness. Finds it. Reports it. Removes it.

  • Severe macaw
  • Serious beak
  • Red shoulders
Ink-and-marker illustration of Aggie, a green-cheek conure with a cream head, orange and yellow chest, and green wings.

Shoulder Patrol, Night Shift

Aggie

Full name Agador Spartacus. Rides shoulders, guards pockets, weighs almost nothing.

  • Green-cheek conure
  • Pocket size
  • Pure chaos

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